I’ve been playing hockey for 24 years.

Like most, growing up as a young hockey player in Canada, my goal was to make it to the NHL. Also, like most, I was very naïve to the process. Once you reach the ranks of professional hockey, it ultimately becomes a business. There is always another player waiting for the opportunity to take your job. In the end, I learned this lesson the hard way. 

Throughout my career, I was never a highly touted prospect per se. I was passed over in the Major Junior draft. Like many at that age, I wasn’t totally sure where hockey was going to take me. I caught a break and ended up finishing my junior hockey career with two years in the QMJHL.

After not having any professional offers, I attended Carleton University in Ottawa to keep my hockey career going while getting a university degree. While the school side of life was a challenge, I thoroughly enjoyed my four years of hockey at Carleton. I grew into the player I am today. 

During my final year at Carleton, I received interest from various AHL teams for my post-CIS (U Sports) career. Fortunately, I was given an opportunity by the Tampa Bay Lightning and their affiliate, the Syracuse Crunch. What I didn’t know was I was about to start my degree in what I like to call, reality. Soon after arriving in Syracuse I became extremely nervous. For the first time in my life, I was one step away from where I dreamed of being. Every Canadian kid’s dream and here I was at the pearly gates. At the same time, I just finished a successful university career.

So why not me?

It goes without saying that the players at this level skate faster, hit harder, think quicker. This isn’t a cliche. They skate much faster, hit a lot harder, and think exponentially quicker. After arriving in Syracuse, everything was a shock to the system. I didn’t doubt that I could get there, but with the limited time I was given, class had begun, and I was already behind.

It’s safe to say my first professional experience didn’t go as planned. I quickly realized that there are thousands of hockey players in the world that are just as good as you are, if not better. If you don’t want to change your game to separate yourself, then there’s a good chance you will get lost in the shuffle. I went home and really battled with reality.

Was I good enough to keep going? 

Did I want it as much as I always imagined? 

For the first time in my life, I realized just how much of a mental and physical grind the world of professional hockey can be. It lifts you up and beats you down over and over. It’s a process. It’s a grind. Only those who decide that the grind is worth it survive in the end.

Thank God I met music.

I’m glad I took the leap and picked up a guitar. Being in university, music was always something that came out at parties with all the guys around. After my time in Syracuse, I signed to play hockey in Germany, and I'd say that’s where I realized how universal music is. Being a foreigner, it was a transition trying to connect with people. Music made everything so much easier. In Germany, I’d play guitar after games in one of the local bars. The next season, I found myself in Cardiff, Wales. I played a few shows for our fans in our rink bar after games. No matter the language, music connects people. To be honest, hockey has helped my music career more than you’d expect. 

One band that really made music home for me was The Glorious Sons.

I discovered Jay and his band, The Glorious Sons, midway through my time at Carleton. To this day, I am a die-hard fan. I love everything they do, everything they write, and everything they perform. When I first heard them, they moved me. They made me feel emotions I hadn’t felt before. When I was playing in Germany, things came full circle. 

During my time playing hockey in Germany, The Glorious Sons embarked on their first European tour. Fortunately for me, they were playing a show two hours from where I was living and playing hockey. That night, me and a teammate drove to Cologne to catch the show. We arrived two hours early. You could say that I was excited. Little did we know, 15 people showed up, two of them bartenders. That didn’t stop the band from putting on an amazing show. 

I had died and gone to heaven watching my favourite artists from five feet away. After the show, I ran into them by the merch tent. The drummer heard me speaking English and came over. I then met Jay Emmons, their guitar player. We all spoke for hours about everything under the sun. Of course, I snuck in that I played a bit of guitar outside of hockey, but I tried not to be annoying about it. At the end of the night, we exchanged numbers. 

After exchanging texts here and there for a couple of years, I sent Jay a draft of my first song, Feel it All. Jay was surprised and impressed. When I arrived back from hockey in Europe, Jay brought me to the studio to record a couple of songs, not knowing what would come of it. Several studio sessions later, we’ve got six songs and I’m ready to release an EP. Jay is now my manager, and I cannot thank him enough. Without him, I wouldn’t be doing music. 

When I first stepped into a recording studio, I had no idea how to finish a song. I felt like I could use the knowledge of the “process” that I learned in my hockey career and apply it to working on my craft of music. I was there to learn. I was aware that there was probably going to be setbacks and adjustments. I’m new to songwriting. I’m going to have to adapt. This was something I wasn’t willing to do early on in professional hockey. As much as there were unfortunate lessons learned then, in this new journey, I’ve learned to embrace the lessons. I realize now that everything is a process and you only learn by failing. This class has begun and I’m now sitting in the front row.

My first song, Feel It All, is sort of like my baby. My first child, so to speak. It will always be the first thing that I released for the world to hear. I wrote Feel it All one night while I was in Cardiff. Being my first, it taught me how many hours it can take to perfect a song. There’s this emotional roller coaster when you're in the studio, you think you have a great idea and then you realize, out of nowhere, that it won’t work. It’s amazing to see where that song started and where it ended up. I think we really came out with something amazing. Having the opportunity to perform it at Sydenham Church was a great feeling. The setting matched the mood of the song perfectly. It gave us a way to show people how I play the song and how raw it can be when performed live. 

My second release, our cover of Exile by Taylor Swift and Bon Iver was a totally different, but fun project. The project originally started with Jay’s girlfriend, Martina Lake, suggesting that we cover it for an Instagram video. Once Jay heard the idea, he suggested doing a proper recording of the song as a bonus track for my album. Things escalated pretty quickly. 

The recording process was a little different simply because the song already exists. We had the foundation of the song, we just had to find a way to make it our own. The original version of Exile is an amazing piece. A lot of feeling in it and just powerful as a whole. I think we spent a day and a half straight recording and we basically had it finished. 

The interesting wrinkle on Exile was that we got to include my good buddy, an Ottawa Senator, Matthew Peca. I met Peca when we were playing Junior A hockey. Funny enough, I ran into him again during my stint playing for Syracuse.

After we found out each other played music, we decided to jam together while in Syracuse. He’s a talented dude on a lot of instruments. It was nice to connect with him not only through hockey, but through music. We ran into each other this summer at some skates in Ottawa just trying to get ready for a possible hockey season. After recording my first few songs and coming up with the idea to cover Exile, I immediately thought of him playing piano on it. Lucky for me, he was in. We recorded the song in the studio and the next day we were playing it live at Sydenham Church. Having Peca there added that extra energy we needed. His enjoyment really pushed us to make it perfect.

That was a special day for me, a lot of “firsts” took place. It was my first time performing with a group of people. It was Martina’s first time performing live. It was Matt’s first musical performance, period. I think that kind of made it magical.

The COVID-19 pandemic hit everyone hard. My hockey season was cut short and I left Europe in a hurry. When I arrived home, I wasn’t really sure what I was going to do with my time. Over the next month I was quarantined and I wrote five songs. Knowing I was going to have some recording time I really pushed myself to see what I could come up with. Unfortunately, the music industry depends on live shows and is really supported by the fans. It isn't possible to perform so it’s been a bit of a weird feeling getting into something that isn’t in full operation. But these days, a lot of following can be created online through social media and streaming. The support I've received thus far has been outstanding.

When I reflect on my professional career on the ice and now on stage, I am so grateful. Who gets to live two dreams in one lifetime?

I can't thank people enough for giving me a chance.